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Somehow over the years, raising kids, working, Living . . . we both lost parts of ourselves as individuals, to one degree or another, and recognizing that as an individual responsibility stopped the blaming fest! You know that one I am talking about. I have learned a lot in the last 35 years and thought I would share some personal thoughts. Hope it inspires you.
If someone were to ask me today,
What are my 5 Secret ingredients in improving a marriage?
I would say:
The first two ingredients are being totally, 100% honest with yourself & your partner and to decide to consistently grow together. I believe each go hand-in-hand in creating a strong marriage. No one is perfect; we are all in our own step of spiritual growth, but that said, I will tell you, honesty & willingness to grow spiritually is a basic foundation for improving any activity in life and if you are with a man or woman that is willing to grow, then I say, “ADORE THAT MAN or THAT WOMAN!” Honesty & Willingness are rare these days, but with all the self-help books & classes on bettering communication . . . Just do it! Go for it! Communication is #1 in my book! Although stretching the heart & the spirit is not always sprinkled with flowers and honey, we have enjoyed the growth process and loved the classes along this journey and honestly, without them, we would not have survived!
The third ingredient is taking care of myself. Being true to me, my goals, my ideals, my dreams and not leaving them to sit in a corner growing dust bunnies! This one has taken me the longest to learn and honestly it wasn’t until last year when I had a blip in my health. It was alarming, scary and downright EYE OPENING! I am not sure why some of us forget this part. I think as a young mother, taking care of everybody else was just the way my life was molded into. But I will be the first to tell any young mother or father to take care of yourself first, not in a selfish way, but to make sure that you take time out for you, keep your own fires burning inside. If you lose yourself you lose everything! Although I have been spiritual from the day I was born, again we all have our own views on who we are and where we are going, and I gave up on myself mostly physically, never allowing myself time to exercise, because “I had to work” or “I had to feed the kids” or “I had to clean the house”, or, or, or . . . I think it is one of the most important basics in making any marriage, job or any activity go well!
The fourth ingredient is to be patient in the growth process. If two people are honestly giving it their “all”, be patient and love unconditionally. This one can be the most frustrating, as we all have different speeds of growth and we live in a world where almost everything is instant. I remember when I was a little girl, I used to dream that I could wiggle my nose like “I Dream of Jeanie” and things would just go right. Damn it, I hate the fact that I can’t wiggle my nose like that. And sometimes in couple relationships, or even partner relationships, the difference in speed of learning, awareness & cognitive abilities and just plain old differences in realities can be totally different, and it can drive you crazy if you let it. Sometimes it’s best to just step back, take a walk and regroup. This can be the hardest one to realize in heat of the moment, but honestly, I find is the best in damage control!
And the fifth ingredient is CREATIVITY. This one is one that a couple can get really lazy about. You know what I mean, staying at home night after night, watching the same old TV shows, doing the same old thing. YUK! I say turn off that old TV, even though it just seems easier. Jump out of the comfort zone and do something, anything together that you both enjoy. The key here is that both people are involved in the activity ideas.
One of my best friends is always going on dates with her hubby, I mean they go away almost monthly, to some hotel or dinner or date . . . She inspires me greatly! GO ON DATES NOW! Do not wait for the kids to grow up, don’t wait till you’re rich, don’t wait till the other partner says, “Come on, let’s do something!” JUST DO IT!!!!! This will go a long way into keeping things fresh and fun.
Well, I just really wanted to share some simple truths that I have learned along the way . . . I am sure there is much more to learn, but that is all a part of the journey. Deciding to make it with anyone in this world takes commitment and dedication. It is a work constantly in progress and just like anything in constant growth, you have to fertilize it, water it, admire it and contribute to its growth.
Love has so many deep levels of gift giving adventures & spiritual growth opportunities. It truly is the most amazing human experience. WE ARE ALL RESPONSIBLE for our own Happiness and that is the simple truth. One of my most favorite, simple booklets is “The Way to Happiness”. For me, it is my little lamp-light in my life and inspires me every time I read it. Each section is about 3 pages long and it just inspires me to live honestly, love unconditionally and to embrace the future with open arms. Well I hope I have inspired you in some way or another.
From the heart,
Debbie M. Arambula
I would so love to hear your thoughts!
What are some of your simple secrets on creating longevity in your marriage or partnership?
Share your thoughts make sure to CLICK ON “LEAVE A COMMENT” BELOW
P.S. Can you help me out? I am working on a very cool art project and looking to interview couples that have been married more than 25 years?
Email me and let me know if you know of someone. Email: firstname.lastname@example.org